Love and Women’s Freedom

-Aryan El Haytham-

It's popular now to talk about replacing dominator models for relationship with partnership models. But in the early 70's in Berkeley the language of women's liberation was in vogue. The meaning, however, is pretty much the same. We must recognize that in patriarchal culture, women are the underclass. We are the indigenous people within, inside of, Western civilization. In my 20's I was mainly aware of how women -- and men -- were suffering as a result of the second class status of women in our society. And I was angry. Now I am able to see beyond the suffering, to the value, the good fortune in this.

Women, who don't really count in patriarchal society, they remain a little closer to our true nature than the men who have been charged with setting the standards and with enforcing the values of patriarchy. And the primary value of patriarchy is production. The work ethic. Control and domination. (I'm talking patriarchy here, not blaming men. Patriarchy is simply a word describing the culture we live in which has as one of it's primary characteristics that men are valued over women.)

Then? What women do with love? For the first I’ll try to make some explain about “Love”. The ancient Greeks attempted to explain Love by breaking it down into categories. Agape, or spiritual love and eros or erotic love, were not only mutually exclusive, but also differently valued, as were platonic love (friendship) and romantic love. Over time, Eros, the awe inspiring God of Love, devolved into Cupid, an infantile cutie pie. Similarly, the incredible cosmic force that is Love became diminished in our minds if not our souls, so that today the word "Love" is misinterpreted and misunderstood. We use it in everyday life without knowing what it means. When we do begin to understand what it means, we no longer feel comfortable using "love" as a synonym for "attachment," "dependency," "sexual desire," "infatuation," "romance," "control" or any of the other limited emotions which have been confused with Love. Genuine love makes us just and able to see our shortcomings rather than becoming defensive and blaming or judging others. When the heart is opened, hatred, separation, possessiveness, and betrayal become impossible.

Love is a vibration, energy, a state of consciousness. It cannot be given and it cannot be received. It is more like tuning your radio. Love is not a pie, which can be cut into slices and eaten up. Or to put it another way, the capacity for love and the amount of love available are unlimited. Love, unlike money, is not used up by its expenditure.

So what is it that women want, if it is not a life focused on production and domination? I think that’s just a simple need, it is the freedom to fully express and receive love, including sexual love when that's what they feel to do.

Women are notorious for our enjoyment of and our focus on relationships. Heterosexual women tend to put a huge amount of energy into being attractive to men, seducing a man, manipulating a man. No doubt, this is partially a result of patriarchal conditioning which insists that women are not as competent as men and restricts their involvement in worldly activities, thus making women financially dependent on men, but some of it reflects women's genuine love for, and affinity for intimate relating.

A woman's love is a passion derived from the innermost soul. When she fell on the circumstances, she would forget things that are real problematic, and think of or imagine beautiful things. She will not know the time and the people's side, while ignoring the activities of daily life, only to look forward to being with the person she loves. A purest feeling of love for a woman is when she felt the fear, be careful to not let his love and stood for a complete loyalty. And haunted by guilt about the possibilities that could damage the relationship. when it does, what is perceived by men? They forget, to be pragmatic for looking at beautiful things, so it will only make the woman as a toy, to fill the gaps or even sexual needs.

So what does a freely loving, sexually fulfilling, spiritually-based partnership relationship look like? There is no one answers to this question, but in one form or another it is, in my experience, what every woman wants. As we begin to invent relationships that are deeply satisfying to us, rather than accepting what we've been told is moral, or proper, or should make us happy, we lay the groundwork for peace and harmony to fill the Earth.

Women fall in love with a man who “gets” them. And I mean REALLY gets them. Women fall in love with men who get them on such a deep, emotional level… they call this a “bond” or a “connection” between them.

And no matter what happens between the two of them, this connection never breaks. She never falls out of love. Even if she tries to hide it. (Which is why you see so many beautiful, amazing women stuck with loser boyfriends… or even… in abusive relationships?)

"When you find the love within you, it will also manifest in loving relationships, you can’t fake it, and until you become your own source of love your neediness will repel instead of attract love into your life."